You know that sense you get in your gut? The one that only rears its head when something is awry? It twists and clenches and gets stronger and stronger until you have no choice but to pay it some attention?
Yeah, I thought so.
I have that feeling. And I just can’t shake it. Especially now. After today.
Today was hell, friends. Plain and simple. Junior KinderGarten, day 2. Welcome to hell. Sit right down. Prepare to be terrorized.
Ok, so Drama is my second name. But still. Hell. Today.
It was Little Man’s second day in JK today. I figured that, since he cried yesterday but then settled down, today should be better. But no. Not a little, not at all, not even a smidgen. Worse. Way, way worse.
I took him into his classroom, like I did every day last year and pointed to a few things that Miss Mopey-Miserable-Face (yeah, her name has developed roots and it’s growing, dudes) had put out on the carpet for the kids to play with. I tried to find something that might spark his interest. No luck. I tried to get him to sit on the carpet near (but not too near – think Personal Space Issues, people. Capital P intended) a girl who was reading a book. Nothing.
The whole time, Miss Mopey Miserable Face is shuffling papers at her desk, folks. Shuffing fecking papers. Thanks for the help, wench.
Shuffling.
Papers.
So basically, because I felt like there were no other options, I tore his arms from around my midsection, promised I’d sit out in the lobby until I could hear that he wasn’t crying any more, then leave. I kissed him, pushed him away (holy feck, that’s the hardest thing to do, EVER, people – pushing my kid away), and walked away, the beginnings of an Ugly Cry already visible, surely, on my face.
I sat in a chair about 12 feet from the classroom door. After a few minutes, I couldn’t hear his sobs, so I left. I got in the car, called my girlfriend to tell her that I’d be late for our mall-walking date, whimpering like a puppy, and sobbed. I sobbedmy wretched guts out. Using wet wipes because I don’t have Kleenex in the car, and playing Finger Eleven’s Paralyzer on my I-Pod to distract me from my woes, I blinked about a thousand tears back and drove to the mall.
At the mall, I cried a bit more to my friend, then suck-slobbered a tea down and we walked. And shopped. Ok, we shopped more than we walked. So what!? It’s a start.
I made sure to leave the mall nice and early so that I could be the first parent back to pick up my kid. More than a little bit hopeful that Little Man had found something fun or at least distracting to cling to, I walked somewhat lightly back into the building…
…to the sound of my kid. Sobbing. And crying. And sniffling.
Mother Fecker.
He cried, friends. Then he whimpered. Then he cried. Then he sobbed. Then he coughed and gagged a little. Fun times.
Miss Mopey Miserable BETCH Face tells me he didn’t settle down today. No effing shit, really? Really ??! ‘Cause he looks really calm to me. And happy. And un-traumatized.
Feck.
So basically, I’ve felt sick all day. Seriously, like I might hurl any minute.
And Little Man has been raging and tantrumming and holy-hell emotional all day and into this evening. Everything for the rest of the day has been a “Big Deal.” Lunch. The car ride. The sun on his face in the car ride. The radio is too loud. Oh, now it’s too quiet. No, Mommy, NOT that song. I want chicken for dinner. No, not THAT chicken. The oooooottthhhhheeeerrrrr chicken. I want Daaaadddy. I want Mooooommy. Mommy, don’t put your jammies on NOW. Put them on AFTER I brush my teeth! Take them back off! I want my stereo back in my room! (Um, it is in your room??) No, not that stereo! The old one! The broken one! (Oh, silly me. WTF didn’t I know you wanted the broken one. My bad. Really.)
Holy effing Sensory Processing nightmare. It’s like we’re the poster family for The Out-Of-Sync Child. Hey, Carol? We need you. Come quick!
The day spiraled into a deep, darker-than-dark, black hole. Little Man is spent. I’m spent. Hubby has a blank, glassy stare on his face because he came to a place that he thought was home but it couldn’t possibly be, because it’s inhabited by a shrieking satan-possessed child and a verging-on-postal woman whose pupils (like the child’s) are at least an inch in diameter and throbbing quickly with every beat of her heart.
We had a long talk over dinner, once Little Man had retired to the family room. Basically, Hubby admitted (finally!??!!) that he got a really bad vibe from Miss Mopey Eff Face the couple of times that he had contact with her last year at the school.
What?!
Hello??!!!
You waited until today to tell me this, WHY??!!!
Yeah. So we’re on the same page. Something has to change. Soon.
Want some icing on that cake? Chocolate or vanilla? Ah, ok…. Here it is: I got an email from the director about 30 minutes ago. She says that she heard that Little Man cried a little today. Cried a little. A little.
I have a bad feeling that this isn’t going to end well.
Kia
P.S. Sorry if this is all over the place. I just had to get it out.
I’m so sorry Kia. This teacher doesn’t sound experienced enough. Not at all. Have you considered requesting a conference?
By: Tonggu Momma on September 4, 2008
at 9:14 pm
Wow. I am SO sorry your day (and LM’s day) sucked so horrendously today. My heart is breaking for both of you.
I have no advice….just big, smothering hugs.
xoxo
By: Dawn on September 4, 2008
at 9:30 pm
That sounds horrendous. I don’t know what I’d do. I’m so sorry he had to go through that, it sounds damaging to you both. Can you take him out? I don’t know how many days like that I’d be able to take. Jeeeesus. And that stupid woman, “not settling down” would be an understatement wouldn’t it. I don’t know what to say. I’m adding hugs to the hug pile.
By: Mrsbear on September 4, 2008
at 10:09 pm
Kia, I echo the other commenters. No advice, just hugs. Let us know how it goes tomorrow…and also if Little Man sleeps well tonight. Mine would have bad nightmares during his difficult start. If there are no nightmares, take that as a good sign (??)
By: Heidi on September 4, 2008
at 10:11 pm
So sorry, Kia. Time to get your Momma Bear on and do what you think Little Man needs. We’re here for you. We got your back.
Also, could you explain the schooling up there? Is LM in a private school? Does your local public school offer special needs preschool like we have down here? Just wondering…
By: Good Fountain on September 4, 2008
at 10:19 pm
Oh Mrs Mopey is a peice of work, isn’t she!?!? Ugh.
Stick with your gut and fight with everything you’ve got! Your gut’s been bang on so far.
By: mapsgirl on September 4, 2008
at 10:25 pm
OH! I’m so sorry that Little Man had to go through that. It ws heart wrenching to read the account. I hope you do what you need to for Mopey faced teacher. Seriously, she sounds like an unhappy person. And kids isn’t the one where she should be putting it on.
By: Gin on September 4, 2008
at 10:32 pm
Tonggu, I just don’t think it would do any good. This teacher doesn’t seem like she cares enough to even try to accommodate us. And I think the director is stuck. She can’t change the teacher just for us, although she did admit (when I sent my first letter of concern before the school year started) that she’d had some parental complaints last year.
Dawn, thanks. It helps!
MrsB, yes, we could take him out. And probably will, at this rate.
Heidi, yes, we usually can expect nightmares after a day like this, too. So far, he’s just really restless in his sleep. Hopefully we’ll avoid the nightmares as I don’t think I could take it tonight.
GF, Yes, it’s private. Short answer: because LM hasn’t been diagnosed with anything “officially” accepted as a diagnosis (as SPD is still in the stages of being officially recognized as a disorder on its own, separate from other disorders on the AS), there’s nothing that the gov’t-run schools will do for us.
By: goodmum on September 4, 2008
at 10:35 pm
Use your wonderful writing skills to document Mopey Miserable Betch Ass-Face’s inadequate efforts on behalf of your son, as well as what steps you’ve taken to address these concerns with her. If you can show that you have attempted to remedy the situation without success, your demand for a more appropriate placement will undoubtedly win favor.
Hope you can ditch the bitch, and then dance on the grave where her teaching licenese should be buried.
By: mama mara on September 4, 2008
at 10:42 pm
MG, thank you, thank you, thank you…for the reminder about my gut’s accuracy thusfar.
Gin, I think you hit the nail on the head. She probably is very unhappy. There’s no way I’m letting her take it out on my kid, though.
Mara, the problem is that there’s only one kindergarten class in the school. So we’re probably looking at switching schools. I love the idea of burying her teaching certificate.. hehehehe
By: goodmum on September 4, 2008
at 10:50 pm
I am so, so sorry. I know those days. The ones that as soon as you see their face (or hear those sobs), you know the rest of the day is shot and there’s no escaping what’s about to happen. We had a mini version of that today, not nearly as bad as yours, all because we had, gasp, speech therapy!
I wish I could buy you a big huge chocolate (oh well, admit it, a chocolate anything that’s big) to give you those warm fuzzies. But it would melt before it got there. Of course, melted chocolate is better than no chocolate at all.
I pray, hope, beg and plead that tomorrow is better. I am so glad I don’t have to make this decision. I had to make it for my oldest with his original occupational therapist and that was an easy fix (GET OUT OF OUR LIVES NOW. Thanks!).
Keep us posted.
By: Kari on September 4, 2008
at 11:16 pm
Kari, thanks so much. It means so much to hear from everyone, but especially from those moms who truly get it.
The chocolate thought is a good one, though sadly I think you’re right: it would surely melt. Boo hiss. 
By: goodmum on September 4, 2008
at 11:19 pm
I’m so sorry you both had such an awful day, Kia. I can just imagine. I know how bad things get, what you mean when you say every thing was a big deal.
I hope you’re able to find a solution that works for you guys.
What are your thoughts on homeschooling? Not trying to push it (I’m not a pusher!), just curious what you think about it for you guys.
By: Nicole Murray on September 5, 2008
at 12:01 am
Oh my. Big, tremendous hugs for both you and LM. Horrible horrible horrible.
For what it’s worth, we went through something very similar about a year ago. Take from my story what you will…
I chose a small, in-home preschool for my daughter because I knew she’d be overwhelmed in a larger setting. The teacher was charming, well-organized and the kids all seemed happy. We signed up.
Then, it turned out that the gardening service came on Tuesdays. And the gal used an ancient, loud, window AC unit on hot afternoons. My girl was stubborn about handwashing after prescribed toilet time (bing bing bing! you can’t make 3 yr olds “go” on a schedule unless you are insane and mean) because it was a different sink, stool and soap than home.
It also turned out that the teacher was a passive-aggressive biatch who stressed conformity and punished infractions such as not liking milk, or refusing to eat bread and rice, or wanting to hold onto a ratty purple panda all day, or playing apart from the other kids, or complaining about loud noises by (wait for it…) Withdrawing Affection. You will be shocked, shocked! to learn that my girl was miserable and oh my the processing glitches. I am ashamed to admit that it took me 2 months to figure this out and fire that crazy woman. She charged me for a 3rd month and told me I had treated her horribly and she’d never in all her born years yadda yadda yadda.
We’re at a great school now, and my girl’s primary teacher has been helping me work on all sorts of things. Her willingness to accommodate is fantastic and I feel like the luckiest mom in the world. Because, while not every drop-off is a celebratory event, school is fun! And my girl is learning stuff and gaining confidence.
I was terrified to rock the boat and introduce further change by leaving one school and hitting another. My experience with the lousy teacher taught me that I need to cut and run in the face of poople like that. The damage to my girl’s self image and relationship with authority is still working itself out a year later. No kidding.
I’m also a big fan of travel. Heh. Ask me about turbulence sometime. And why I can’t make that red “no smoking” and “fasten your seatbelt” sign go away. All the way to Heathrow and back. Anyhoo, my girl and I went to Montana to visit my parents shortly after the whole preschool fiasco. Totally rebooted her systems. The completely haywire processor went back to its normal state of agitation with a few things actually getting better than they were before evil preschool lady. We always come back from trips with some new things to talk about (over and over and over) but we generally find some comfort too.
I hope that you are able to find your own magic fix for this school situation. What a horrible, horrible feeling. Big hugs (and an imaginary Wendy’s kids meal toy!) for brave Little Man.
By: Heather on September 5, 2008
at 2:07 am
Oh.my.God.
I hate that your son – your entire family! – is going through this. When is someone going to see that these kids – NATIONWIDE! – are in dire need of help and set up an appropriate educational system? This is the root of the entire problem – when our kids are this beat up by their own issues, there is no room for education. Who is going to educate our children?
ugh.
hugs – for you, Coolio and your husband. And a good night’s sleep
xo
k
By: pixiemama on September 5, 2008
at 9:05 am
I feel for you soooo much. I’m with you on the parenting by insinct! Sometimes I have chosen not to listen to that gut instinct and totally regretted it later.
You’re a good mom!!! TGIF!
By: CeeCee on September 5, 2008
at 9:43 am
Obviously this teacher isn’t equipped to handle him and sure doesn’t go out of her way to make him feel welcome. He senses this just like the rest of us.
I’d find another place and tell the director that you have a blog and everyone now knows that their school can’t seem to get their act together.
I really need to stop being so aggressive. Actually, I think you are doing the best job you can considering the options givin’ to you.
By: gorillabuns on September 5, 2008
at 1:22 pm
Oh, yuck. My worst nightmare. I’m so sorry.
By: Carmen on September 5, 2008
at 2:00 pm
Oh, Kia! I am so sorry that you both had such a rotton day! And I am glad that you and hubby are now on the same page, and that the director is at least aware that the situation may not be working. I hope it all gets resolved quickly and that LM, as well as you, have a better day today.
By: Nicole on September 5, 2008
at 2:25 pm
Oh, Kia, I am so sorry. You are completely right about nothing being as hard as pushing your kid away. I know. I’ve been there. Just last week, in fact. And I know what you mean about the rest of the day being hell for you. We have had a few of those lately as well. It’s like school is so stressful that it leaks over when he gets home. Oh and he has had some nightmares this week too. Joy.
You definitely need to get him switched to another class. Miss Mopey is AWFUL and definitely not what LM needs. What about the possiblity of you staying in the class a few days? I know you probably need your YOU time, but it might help. I read a book by a pyschologist about raising boys who thinks our society expects too much from kids with regards to separation from mom, especially boys. He thinks if the mom sticks around in the classroom (by the door just so he can see you) and you let the child decide when it is ok for mom to leave, they end up feeling more secure, etc. I don’t know if the school would allow it, but if it helps LM, I can’t see how it could hurt. Sorr for the unsolicited advice………
I am crying for you here!
By: Patty on September 5, 2008
at 6:22 pm
Trust your instincts!!! My little guy had a terrible experience in all-day Kindergarten with teachers and a smarmy jerk of an assistant principal who just didn’t get it. It was an elite private school that assured me that they could work with a highly gifted child. Time proved that they had no idea what they were doing with a HG and SPD kid. He withdrew, cried, tantrumed and became a shell of who he was. He thought he was “bad” and became so afraid of being punished. Life was a living hell and the school kept trying to make it our fault. He was incredibly happy at Pre-K and Pre-school and at home prior to starting K. I kept trying to make it work but finally pulled him out after 1 semester. Oh, how I wish I had pulled him out sooner! It took him months and months to recover. He loved school before that and still remains leery as a result of that experience 3 years ago — yes, 3 years ago. A friend, whom I met at that school, told me that she saw him crying all the time and that he seemed like such a shy and unhappy little boy. SOOOO not my kid. She was shocked when she met him months after and saw a happy and engaged kid.
Trust your instincts about this teacher/program!!!
Good luck!
By: MM on September 5, 2008
at 6:59 pm
Oh, NO! I’m so sorry LM’s preschool experience went down hill so fast. I’m glad you and your husband are both on the same page about Ms Mopey – and maybe can make change. I hope it gets better!
By: Andrea's Sweet Life on September 5, 2008
at 8:03 pm
I would trust your instincts as well. When I haven’t, I’ve regretted it. Take care.
By: deb on September 5, 2008
at 10:42 pm
OH.MY.GAWD. I’m speechless…there are so many things that raise huge red flags for me over this, and IF I could not get my child switched to another teacher, I’d be finding another school….well, okay, in my case I ended up homeschooling….but still!
I’ve SOOO BTDT with the knowledge that the rest of the day is now shot, and sometimes an entire weekend looms like that.
Trust your instincts, you will NOT regret it. {hug}
By: Snapshot on September 6, 2008
at 12:41 am
Holee crizap.
If you both are getting that bad feeling regarding Ms. Mopey Face, my suggestion would be to pull him. We’ve been through 3 schools in 3 years, but I can’t stress the importance of finding a school that is a good fit for your child. Is it the teacher, or the whole school? Sometimes you have to tough out a shitty teacher if the school is worth it, but a good school would be addressing the problems with the teacher.
Any chances of getting an assistant or para in the classroom?
By: mommy~dearest on September 6, 2008
at 2:45 pm
Thank you ALL for your comments and input. It really does help to hear from others that I’m not crazy to want to get my kid out of there, FAST! I’ve actually sent the director an email today, basically telling her everything and why we’re so unhappy. I did everything BUT tell her we’re never coming back. I just want to see what she says…
Again, thank you SO SO much!
Kia
By: Kia on September 6, 2008
at 4:15 pm
I am so sorry to hear you are having so many troubles. I think you are doing the right thing. Use your Mommy intuition. If things don’t seem right, they probably aren’t.
By: Lydia on September 6, 2008
at 4:31 pm
One thing Ive learned (the hard way, of course) is that you are the only one that has your childs best interest at heart. Of course, even with that, there are still the hard decisions and situations. When my nephew went in the 1st grade he went through days where he would make himself sick just so he didnt have to return, I “thought” it might have something to do with certain teachers, but never did do anything about it, it wasnt until the end of the school year that I realized just to what extent things were happening. Listen to your gut, it wont usually steer you wrong. Best wishes, and thoughts coming your way. Hope that tomorrow is slightly easier for you and your family.
By: db on September 7, 2008
at 12:26 am
Take him out of there! Don’t go back. That’s my advice. You will never ever regret it. The teacher sounds mean anyways. It’s hard enough when they cry and you KNOW that the teacher’s are awesome and so nice. Trust your gut.
By: Sarah on September 7, 2008
at 7:31 pm
[...] had a really good time, but kept telling us he was tired. No bloody wonder, really, considering the day he had on Thursday. Poor Little Guy is still in recovery-mode. Even the Occupational Therapist (OT) noticed today [...]
By: Exhausted. « Good Enough Mama on September 8, 2008
at 8:30 pm
Oh SHIT, that’s terrible. My heart hurts for you! I want to punch Miss Mopey Miserable in the face. I’m at school now, so I don’t have time to write more, but this just boils my blood!
Email if you want to talk.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
So Sorry. It just shouldn’t be that hard and schools should not be traumatizing places.
By: She on September 9, 2008
at 3:30 pm