1. I don’t usually dunk my kid’s head in the toilet bowl, squirt in a dollop of shampoo, then flush, as a means of washing his hair. I’ve thought of it many times, but I do possess a minute amount of self control.

2. a) I don’t give him potato chips. Like, ever.  Now, if we’re being picky about this, the reason I don’t give him chips is because he’s terrified of them (wtf? seriously), but whatev’s. I don’t give him chips.

b) For the same reason, I don’t give him pop, chocolate cake, or cheesecake. I so totally rock.

3. I take him to the doctor when he’s sick. And, contrary to my mother-in-law’s beliefs, I have never intentionally given my child pneumonia. Only unintentionally. See? My intentions are good.

4. When I’m really angry with Little Man and I feel like I’m going to explode at the ears, I don’t  beat the crap out of him. I hammer the hell out of the washing machine instead. I highly recommend this as a parenting practice. It’s great for getting the frustration out. Though, at times, it has led to hand injuries. These heal eventually. The price of being a good parent is sometimes high, but so totally worth it.

5. I’m not always  sarcastic with him.

6. I make him his only favourite dinner every. single. night. Chicken fingers with cheese and fruit. EVERY night, people.

7. I’ve only once let my kid play video games and watch t.v. for an entire day. Once. Happened to be yesterday, but once. Once.

8. I teach him things. Just recently, for example, I taught him that if a nasty kid gets in his face he should say, “Back off, or I’ll get you in the gonads!” Lots of learning in our house. All the time.

9. So far, I’ve only ever uttered SHUTTHEFECKUP under my breath.  Serious self control is involved. I think I have good chi. Or chee. Or che. Whatever.

10. I’ve made friends with another wonderful mother who happens to have a sister who is a social worker. Now I can always stay on top of which elements of my mothering skills could  get me in trouble with the authorities. I’m always on top of my game, friends. This is key.

So, I’m dying to know: Why aren’t YOU the world’s worst mother?  

The best answer (Yes, I get to be the only judge! My blog, my rules) wins a prize!!! Wheeeeeeee!!!

P.S. If you do a blog post with the same title, let me know and I’ll link to you!

Linkage:

Krystal, of Mommys Escape, is NOT the world’s worst mother.

Kari, of  It’s A Boy’s Life, is NOT the world’s worst mother.

CeeCee, of CeeCee’s Crazy Corner, is NOT the world’s worst mother.

Susan, of Lil Mom That Could, is NOT the world’s worst mother.

Beth, of Fragile What?!?,  is NOT the world’s worst mother.

Marinka, of Motherhood In NYC, is NOT the world’s worst mother.

Jessica, of Bern This, is NOT the world’s worst mother.

Bonnie, of Let It Be Autism, is NOT the world’s worst mother.