Like this:

Dear Fellow Boogers,

I’m sorry I’ve been pretty much non-existent lately. I’ve been busy…wallowing in self-pity and wanting to blow my fecking brains out from the mind-numbing-ness that is my life. I’m whining to you, my fellow boogers, because I know you “get” it. None of my real-life friends do.

Little Man is killing me. The poor kid is struggling and I’m just so fecking bitchy and impatient. I’m sure I’m ruining him for, like, ever. His latest trick is pretending that he’s deaf. Actually, that’s a lie. But that’s what it feels like. His reassurance-seeking is going to kill me. I can’t ever say anything once. Everything I say, he asks me to repeat. Hubby thinks this is hilarious and that I’m over-reacting, but he deals with it for about 2 hours a day and I get it all day, every day.

The other thing? Little Man’s sick ALL THE FECKING TIME. Literally. We’re lucky to get 5 healthy days out of 30. Going to shoot myself. This means a LOT of time spent together for him and I. Alone. At home. Playing Bakugan and Pokemon, neither of which I fecking understand AT ALL, but don’t think that gets me out of playing with the shit. Did I mention I’ve considered blowing my fecking brains out?

I know I’m whining and complaining and being entirely negative about entirely everything, but this is my only outlet. Hubs thinks I just need to find some patience (Why the FECK didn’t I think of that?), my doc just writes me a script for my Xanax and Doxepine, and Little Man’s psychologist has referred us to a psychiatrist. I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but I hope to fecking GOD the shrink gives us some meds for Little Man to try. My family and real-life friends try to understand, they really do, but they just don’t.

Have I mentioned that last week was Spring Break in this part of the world? Have I mentioned that Little Man was sick and therefore home from school the entire week and a half leading up to Spring Break? Oh, and have I mentioned that Little Man’s school (feckers) likes to take TWO FECKING WEEKS for Spring Break just because they fecking can and that this means that I’ve been shut in the house with my spawn child for 2.5 weeks already and I have another fecking week to somehow survive without jumping from a second-storey window? Have I mentioned?????

I know I mentioned my diet before. I was doing really well up until yesterday, when I decided that I might just eat myself to death because surely it’d be less painful than stabbing my eyes with ice picks, non? So today I’ve had several pieces of chocolate cake, some banana muffins, some chocolates and (ha!) some sugar-free candies? Yeah. Washed it all down with a diet soda, of course.

Mes amis, I adore you. I’m so sorry I’ve disappeared time and time again. I’m hoping to find some forgiveness and understanding. In fact, I’m sure I’ll find it. I promise I’ll try to get around to reading some bloggage in the next week. You know, before I die from over-eating.

Toodles and all that shit,

Kia